I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
jump out the window naked night went bad
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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