just come out here and I will go home with you...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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