it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What a dumb baby whore.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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