Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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