Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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