And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
