My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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