I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
