The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
