I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize