oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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