i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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