i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
