He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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