What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
