I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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