toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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