and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
