life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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