I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
