Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
