Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
