How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
