he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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