sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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