four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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