My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
