I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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