So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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