was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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