It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can you bring me the toilet please
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
