I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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