Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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