Where is the hickey?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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