Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
