I wish my penis had an off switch
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
