R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
