i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
