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Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
