just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
