YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
