Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
