My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
