Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
