She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
