I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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