1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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