I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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