I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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