Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
