im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
