Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
