remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
