Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize