Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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