Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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