What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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