I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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