he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
