So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
