I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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