my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
