She said her name was "party"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
