Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
