Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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