Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
