we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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